Will the Best Mother in the Room Please Stand up?
Parenting surely has changed in the last 50 years. What are the new dos and don’ts? How are today’s moms holding up under the new set of standards?
The New Set of Standards:
- She who pays the most attention and spends the most time with her child is the best mom.
- She who never loses patience with her child is the best mom.
She who does not say no to her child if it upsets him/her is the best mom.
- She who changes her behavior whenever her child expresses dissatisfaction (cries, whines, demands, etc…) by giving in to her child is the best mom.
- She who takes her child to the most brain enhancing, growth stimulating, self-esteem building activities per week is the best mom.
The Old Set of Standards:
- She who best prepares her child to learn from his choices, good and bad, is the best mom.
- She who will not do for her child what he can do for himself is the best mom.
- She who has a life separate from that of her child (interests, hobbies, plans with friends, nights out with her spouse) so that she can demonstrate that women are interesting people is the best mom.
- She who expects her child to pull her own weight in the life of the family is the best mom.
If our goal is to raise resilient, empathetic, independent, and resourceful children, which set of standards is more likely to nurture these results?
I am a mother myself and been a shining example of all of the standards listed above; those for the better and those for the worse. I do not have a clear understanding about how we got where we are, I am just suggesting that we take a look at it.
This is a provocative message, to be sure. But one that I feel well worth some reflection.
PS: Why all this about moms? What about dads? That brings us to another change: Fathers are in second place when it comes to parenting children younger than teens. This is the mother’s domain. Her word is law.
Thanks to parenting expert John Rosemond for getting the CDS community thinking about all of this.
CDS students take Standardized Achievement Tests several times per year and score competitively with similar peers on the North Shore. And yet our emphasis is not on test taking: We are an academically rigorous program fortified by a commitment to character growth.